the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
