I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
