you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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