after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We had to coat check the pizza.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
