do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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