I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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