And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
