pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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