He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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