it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.