i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right