I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
