im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
