I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.