so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
