What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
