I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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