he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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