As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
