I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
