Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
