I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
