Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
