I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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