A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
