im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
