Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
