I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
