I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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