He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
