Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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