I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
