i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
