I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
