Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
