Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You made out with two different species that night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
