I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
