Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
