It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
