I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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