I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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