First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
