On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
