I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
