She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
