Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
