Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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