It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
