if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
