This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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