I heard we made out
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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