Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
