Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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