Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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