shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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