I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
