My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
