sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are my feet made of real feet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
