i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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