All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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