Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
