drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
