Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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