you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
