OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
