I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
