Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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