That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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