Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you didnt know i had herpes?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
