Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
