Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
