I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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