Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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