You work out of a Hotel?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
