And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
