Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
