Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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