Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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