Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
