What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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