the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
