Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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