Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
