cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
