i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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