Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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