Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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