she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
