I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
