in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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