Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
